Since Friday, July 4th, I have not been feeling it. Or rather I have been feeling ALL of it. I continually question if I am good enough for this new job. I am continually questioning if this is what recovery looks like or am I still stuck in a cycle. It has been so long since things have been in a stable, good place, that I question if this is what baseline is for me.
After sleeping the weekend I am back to taking forever to get to sleep. Which leads to me not wanting to get up when I really should. No morning routine. Up, dressed, and out the door to work. Breaking this cycle is really hard.
I think the biggest reason is because I can’t let myself be in the moment. I chase the fleeting happiness of the future. I am constantly thinking about the what ifs.
So, what is the answer? Meditation helps. Encouragement from coworkers and friends help. Writing this blog helps.
Until then I will continue to feel like an IMPASTA.